life or death

Life or Death
I said to myself, “Come on, let’s try pleasure. Let’s look for the ‘good things’ in life.” But I found that this, too, was meaningless. So I said, “laughter is silly. What good does it do to seek pleasure?” After much thought, I decided to cheer myself up with some wine. And while still seeking wisdom, I clutched at foolishness. In this way, I tried to experience the only happiness most people find during their brief life in this world. Ecclesiastes 2:1-3
 
The Enemy
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1Peter 5:8
Deep and strong in my relationship with the Lord I was when Satan came in for the attack.
He's always known the power that lies within me and of the great way I will be used by the Lord. So, he calls upon the demonic realm seeking ways to destroy me. He places a curse of death upon my life.
He knows of all my weaknesses, and he uses them against me. My need to be loved. My need for attention and affection. He sent in the serpent, and I ate of the forbidden fruit.

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The Apple
But I fear that somehow your pure and undivided devotion to Christ will be corrupted, just as Eve was deceived by the cunning ways of the serpent. 2Corinthians 11:3
He was. He was cute, charming, and kind. He was giving, loving, and attentive. He was fun. Until he wasn’t. Until he had me. He then became dark, secretive, and controlling. He hit me. He choked me. He broke me. He manipulated me. He put me down. He abused me. He stalked me.
He was for me and then he tried to destroy me. I was deceived. I fell for it. I wanted to be loved so badly that I would disobey God’s very clear voice. The voice that was near. The voice that was loud. The voice that, because I didn’t like the way it sounded, I ignored while continuing to beg for it. Even though it was shouting in my ear.
 
The Warning
We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. Hebrews 2:1
Visions and Voice
I heard the voice of the Lord say to me, “he is for the kingdom, but not for you." I saw visions of him in my mind. Him on his wedding day. Him marrying his wife. She was not me.
I ignored

Pacing the room, praying for God to let him be mine, I closed my eyes and began walking in circles. I felt like I had gone into a trance and in that moment the Spirit of the Lord sung a song that flowed from my lips in a language incomprehensible to me. It was a sound that went like this: ‘layme layla liygo.’ I repeated this sound over and over, faster and faster until it became clear to me what the spirit was saying:
‘Let me let the guy go.’
I ignored

The Dream
As I lay dead on the ground, surrounded by pitch black darkness, rain poured over my lifeless body. Not droplets of water, but a shower of words landed upon me. The words read:

Beware Beware Beware Beware Beware
Beware Beware !Delilah! Beware Beware
Beware Beware Beware Beware Beware
Beware Beware Beware Beware Beware
Beware Beware !Delilah! Beware Beware
Beware Beware Beware Beware Beware
 
Awakened by the phone alarm, I thought to myself, “what a weird dream!” I went on with the rest of my morning forgetting about the dream. I pulled up to my work office a bit early and, to kill some time, decided to scroll Facebook.  I came across a meme that read, “when God is about to use you to fulfill His destiny, the enemy will send in the Delilah spirit to attack and destroy you.” I immediately remembered the dream. I called my spiritual advisor to ask what the Delilah spirit was. This was how I learned the story of Samson and Delilah. Delilah charmed Samson into falling for her. When he did, he revealed to her all his secrets. Delilah took advantage of Samson's weakness. She stole his powers, betraying him and handing him over to his enemy. Samson was attacked and destroyed by the one he loved and trusted.
I ignored

The Covenant
I was sitting at my computer when a sudden urge overtook me. I dropped my work and picked up my Bible bag. I pulled out my bible, opened it up and set it to the left of me. I pulled out a sheet of paper and set it to my right. I grabbed a pen and began writing. At the time I had no idea what I was writing because when the pen hit the paper, I turned my head to my open bible and read about all the blessings you will receive for obeying and keeping the covenant of the Lord. After studying the blessings, I looked at the sheet of paper I'd written on, and I found this:

Covenant to God
*fast*pray*tithe*obey*study*serve*submit*love*praise*repent*forgive*teach*reach*heal*
*cast out*fellowship*surrender*worship*
 
I thought to myself, 'how easy;' then I shouted out loud, “YES, YES, Lord! I can do this. I will keep this promise to you.” After being so confident in my own ability and making a vow to God I looked back at the open Bible sitting next to me. This time I read about the curses that come with the breaking of the covenant.
I ignored

The Stranger
She walked into the office, placed her elbow on the desk, propped her chin in the palm of her hand, smiled at me and said,” Hey prophetess!" Awkwardly laughing I asked her how she would know whether I was a prophet or not. She informed me that she was sent to me with a word from God.
"Let the guy go," she warned. She told me that, because Satan knows of the great ways in which God will use me, before I was born by the cord, he had made a promise to God that he would kill me. I would not die by my spirit, nor by my faith, nor by my ministry, but Satan was going to physically kill me. Ever since, he has been trying his best to keep that promise. This man was an apple full of poison who was sent by Satan as his last chance to attempt to kill me.
And because of the warnings, if I would choose to disobey God and allow this man to kill me it would be as if I were handing my soul over to Satan and I would be led to an everlasting life in hell. She said that all of the things I’ve been through in this life have been to prepare and strengthen me to war for both life and death. It is my choice to decide which path I will take. The shift will take place. God will move. The curse will break. But first, you must let the guy go.
I’m Struggling
 
The Curse
As you enter the house of God keep your ears open and your mouth shut. It is evil to make mindless offerings to God. Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:1-2

So many broken promises of faithfulness and obedience have been made from me to the Lord in these last few months of pleasure seeking defiance. Hanging on [by the thread of HIS garment] to my relationship with Christ, I have allowed evil forces to enter my life and bind me.
The fear came when the "apple" gazed into my eyes and whispered, “I put a spell on you. You’re in far too deep now for the curse to be broken. Not even your God can save you.” It was at that moment, watching his cold eyes turn black, that I could see the evil that lived within him. This is when I finally started telling people that he was hitting me, choking me, fractured my rib, coming for my head with a baseball bat that put a huge hole in the wall, grabbing me by my hair to smash my head into the stair banister, driving me to far away places and threatening to leave me on railroad tracks, placing a tracking device on my phone and following me into stores when I was with a friend, and recording personal conversations with my friends to use against me as an excuse to intimidate and beat me for being disloyal to him and telling of the things he was doing to me. Little did I know, he had been sent to put me to death. 

The Glory
He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters; He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them that hated me: for they were too strong for me. They prevented me from the day of my calamity; but the Lord was my stay. He brought me forth also into a large place: He delivered me because He delights in me. 2Samuel 22:17-20
The stranger told me that, because of my faithfulness, God was breaking me free of the curse. I laughed. Not because I thought it was funny, but because I felt like such a failure. I said to her with tears in my eyes, “but I have not been faithful.” To which she replied, “your definition of faithfulness and God's are not the same then because He sees that you have held on to His word and stayed in prayer through this tribulation. You have something a lot of people don’t have. Even the ones who go to church each week. You have a relationship with God. You are of flesh and fall short. You will fall short again. You are His baby. He is taking you out of crawling stage. He is lifting you up and teaching you how to walk. Like a baby learning to walk, you will sometimes trip and fall until you learn your balance. The important thing is to get back up and keep walking.”
This “Job” season has been one of suffering, loss, abuse, broken heart, and pain. Yet, it has been my favorite season thus far because it has been a season of learning and growth. My heavenly Father is teaching me things that my worldly parents did not. I’m learning the importance of structure, discipline and obedience. I’m learning how to love myself and others, and how to receive that love back. I’m learning how to wear my armor and the reason I need to put it on in the first place. I’m learning how to defeat darkness. I’m learning who I am in Christ. I’m learning that I am strong. I’m learning that the devil is a liar! I’m learning God’s voice. I’m learning to let go of what is not for me. I’m learning how to prosper. I’m learning my gifts and my greatness. I’m learning to be humble. I’m learning how to be a good and faithful servant so that I will become a great and mighty leader. I’m learning that HE never leaves my side. No matter how hard-headed, no matter how stubborn, no matter how many times HE must pick me up. HE is always right here with me.
I’m learning how to break free of my flesh.
Today I am choosing purpose over pleasure.
I am choosing the Kingdom Life.
I am choosing to seek and to serve God.
I am choosing to submit and surrender to His will for my life.
​ I am choosing to be taught and guided along the right path so I will bring glory and honor to His name.
 To you, Lord, be all the glory.
Please get the glory in this
*Heal*Save*Deliver*
I love you God.